


Wet Dreams

by TheBeautyOfTarth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Boner issues, Confused Jaime, Crack, F/M, Fantasizing, Fun, I Don't Even Know, JAB june fic fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 10:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11079792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBeautyOfTarth/pseuds/TheBeautyOfTarth
Summary: Jaime Lannister was sure he was sick, very very sick. There was no other explanation for what was going on with his body.





	Wet Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> it's 1a.m. so im sure this has typos n lots of mistakes  
> also, i dont really know about the male body so this maybe doesnt make sense -anatomical / medically speaking-

Jaime Lannister was sure he was sick, very very sick. There was no other explanation for what was going on with his body. It all started a month ago, it was the middle of the night and he awoke drenched in sweat and some other body fluid. He was 35 years old for gods’ sake! he was old enough to have those kind of dreams, and still he had them.  
  
The first time that happened he did not pay it too much attention but, after suffering it each night for the past month, He panicked and went to the doctor to seek a medical explanation. The doctor told him it was perfectly fine to occasionally have wet dreams still at his age, when Jaime assured him it had happened more often than not, the doctor asked him some very embarrassing questions. If it was a repetitive dream, if he had more than one sexual partner on the dream, the intensity of his release, etc.

After admitting it was always the same dream over and over again and with the same female, Qyburn told him his subconscious was just projecting a desire he wanted fulfilled through his dream, which was preposterous because he did not -by any means- desired Brienne Tarth.  
  
Qyburn’s instructions were easy enough. He prescribed him some de-stress pills and advised him to masturbate before going to sleep to help release some of his daily tensions so he could avoid wet dreams. Jaime wasted no time but found it more difficult than expected, pills were easy to swallow but the other remedy...it was kind of difficult to _do it_. He wasn't much into porn, not since he accidentally ended up watching an amateur video of his new neighbor, Roose Bolton, and his wife. He couldn’t look them on the eye for almost a year and every time Walda gave him some of her pastries -that he used to love- now he had to throw them away while trying to erase the image of them eating cake from each other´s… it had been disturbing to say the last. Afraid of finding another video of someone he knew, porn wasn’t really appealing for him anymore.

He tried other methods though, reading erotic books was one of them but he soon found out it was just a bunch of horseshit mostly written by old crones that did not know shit about sex nor syntax. He also tried to use just his mind, but it had been a big mistake. All his fantasies had ended up with a moaning Brienne on top of him. Too much for not finding her desirable.

  
  
It had happened again, and it was worse than before. This time he was awake and Brienne was in the room. He had felt very guilty to have her in front of him when he just jerked off last night to the image of her fully naked body. She bent over to give him Tyrion's monthly reports and he couldn’t help but peek at her meager breasts over her blouse and she was wearing her blue pencil skirt, the one that showed off her long and toned legs. She was even wearing heels just like in most of his fantasies.

Seven save him, it was too much for his cock.

Luckily he was seated and his desk was concealing his predicament. He had a firm grip on his chair and couldn't help but grunt his release. She was concerned and asked him if he was fine or if he needed a doctor. She also pointed out he was sweating and looked like he was in pain.

He barked at her to stay away of his business and ordered her to leave him alone which she promptly did. As soon as she left he inspected his crotch. His body had gone uncontrollable again. It was a mess and he had an important meeting in twenty minutes.  
  
"Tyr, I need your help. Come to my office ASAP.  bring me some briefs and an extra pair of pants"

He wanted Tyrion to leave as soon as he gave him the clothes but his brother was having none of it. "Dear brother, did you pee yourself?" He chuckled

  
“This is not a time for jokes Tyrion” he tried to reach the clothes but Tyrion snatched them first

   
“I'm not joking just concerned. What's happening?”

“it’s embarrassing”

“just show me” Jaime stood up “So you did pee yourself”

  
“I did not pee myself. I believe it's called spontaneous ejaculation" Jaime blushed hard and crashed on his seat again

  
Tyrion just whistled "Dear brother last time I checked you weren't a green boy anymore"

“it wasn’t my fault! You should tell your secretary to cover up a little bit”

Tyrion snorted “Brienne did that to you?” he was amused for a second

“Yes, her and her stupid too-short-for-her-long-legs skirt”

“you sound like a fucking asshole Jaime. She can wear the hells she wants. It’s not her fault you can’t keep yourself together in front of a lady”  


Jaime sighed “I now! it’s just… I can’t help it. I’m going mad” he said frustrated “I should go back to Qyburn’s and see if he could chop off my cock”

“You went to a doctor for this?

“it has been happening for a while, I got worried it could be something serious”

“what did he tell you?”

“he said it was just my body telling me I was repressing my desires and a way to deal with stress”

“Well, if he is right maybe you just need to accept your feelings for miss Tarth, and ask her out. that could end up with your... situation"  
  
“Don't you understand? I don't need to admit anything because I’m not attracted to her! How could I? She is ugly, and unfeminine, broad of shoulders, stubborn, freckled, with a pair of endless strong legs and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen” He realized -too late- what he just said 

"Why don't you tell me more about how much you despise my assistant?" Tyrion smirked 

"I- i don’t... I..."

"I'll make you a favor dear brother, just because I love you so much. I'll arrange a date for the both of you. I'll tell her you need to review some of the projects at our charge, I'll make a reservation for two in that fancy dronish restaurant dad loves, but it’s up to you to do the rest. I’d suggest flowers, except roses she hates them. She's the best assistant I’ve ever had so don't screw this up! Because if you do it I’ll kick your ass”

“I- I won’t”  
  
"Oh, and by the way, make sure to carry an extra pair of pants just in case" he left Jaime’s office laughing  
  
The next day Jaime arrived at his office just to receive a call from an angry Tyrion

  
“What the hells did you do to Brienne? She called in sick this morning. She never ever calls in sick, she even came to work with food poisoning once.  You fucked up last night, didn’t you?  
  
"I did fucked it up"

  
"You moron" the line went dead.

 

As soon as he hanged up, Tyrion had come to his office to hear his lame story  
“I was a perfect gentleman, I don't know when did it all go wrong. I even gave her the roses you suggested”

“No. I clearly said _anything_ but roses" he sighted, Jaime just cursed

“shit. That explains her face after I gave her a dozen roses”

"What else did you do to piss her off?"

\----------------------------  
_Jaime was sure he couldn’t be more nervous about_ _their_ quasi _date. As soon as Brienne got the roses she went silent._

_“It’s a lovely night, isn’t it?_

_“I guess so”_

_He didn’t know how to break the ice so he guessed it was better if he just went for it_

_“listen Miss Tarth, the reason why I wanted to see you alone was because I want you to know that… I think you have fine…”_ Eyes _“Ass"_ Shitshitshit!!!!!

_“What?”_

_“I meant to say I like your…”_ Eyes _“Boobs"_ what the hell is wrong with me?

_  
She crossed her arms over her chest, she had gone red-faced “Mr. Lannister, this conversation is highly inappropriate and since this is not business related I'll have to leave" she stood up and headed to the nearest exist._

_"Brienne Wait!" He stood up to follow her but he tripped and landed over her._

\----------------  
  
“I landed on her. She could feel me”

“Of course, you were crushing the air out of her lungs”

“No, I mean she could _feel_ me”

“Oh gods, you rubbed your boner on her?”

“I did not rub anything! I just fell on top of her, it was an accident!”

“Do you notice how lucky you are she hasn't sued you for sexual harassment?”

Jaime sighed “I wouldn’t blame her if she did. What do I do now? What if she doesn’t want to see me again?” he said crestfallen

Tyrion had a sole weakness, and that was his older brother “I’ll help you out. Brienne will listen to me”

It had been complicated but she did listen to him, she even agreed to give Jaime a second chance but she demanded he would take her at Brienne’s favorite diner and this time he would not show up with roses.

The day had come, this time Jaime showed up with an illustrated copy of “The tales of the blue knight” in hand.

 

The next morning

 

Tyrion wanted to strangle him, sadly he wasn’t even at his office so he called him "What the fuck Jaime? she called in sick again!"  
  
"I know, I just heard her talking to you from my bathroom"  
  
"Oh gods, is she ok? Wait, what’s she doing at your house?"  
  
Jaime smirked "let’s just say I did not fucked it up this time"

End.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm going to sleep now


End file.
